"Colonel, I thought you were in the infirmary."
Jack glanced up as the General entered his office, smiling as
Teal'c moved aside to allow the General entrance.
"I was, sir. Apparently I'm suffering from hunger, exhaustion, and stress. I've barely eaten and until that
bit in the infirmary and then the storage room, I haven't exactly slept much. The most I slept was on the floor of Daniel's office."
Jack had decided to just lay it out since
he knew Janet and Teal'c would tell the General anything he didn't.
The General sat back in his chair, obviously not happy about recent events.
"Teal'c? Are you okay?"
"I am fine."
"Good...Oh, Lt. Simmons told me
you took a call from the President for me while I was briefing SG-9."
"Yes, sir. He said
he expected expense accounts to go down for the next month and if they didn't, he'd personally reassign your...tush...back to Texas, sir."
Jack kept his face as straight as possible.
The General stared at him.
"The President said tush?"
"I doubt that."
"I swear, sir, he did."
"Well, alright then. Tush it is."
Jack saw the amusement in Hammond's eyes and knew something was up.
"Colonel, for the next month, no one in
this facility is to refer to anyone's backside as anything but "tush."
Jack looked closer at Hammond's face when he realized the man was serious and he
He couldn't wait to see the official seal on that order.
"Sir, does that include all slang references..."
"Yes, Colonel, it does."
Hammond leaned forward a bit.
"Off the record, I won't notice any wagering on who'll crack first."
Jack grinned, now.
Hammond sat back.
"Was there anything else in that message?"
"Just for you to call him as soon as you got back in, sir."
"Very well, Colonel."
"Sir, I was wondering if we could do something that some may see as a bit drastic."
"My last order won't be seen that way?"
"Yes, sir, it will be, but I'm referring
to a dress code. The military has their outfits, nice and uniform, but the civilians, well..."
"They're working on a military base, now, so just go to personnel and specify what they're supposed to wear. In fact, to lower costs for this month, have them buy the uniforms so we don't have to and
we'll reimburse them as soon as the President gets his political face lift."
"Thank you, sir."
Jack smiled and turned to leave.
Hammond reached into a cabinet and pulled out a large, wrapped gift.
"Aww...sir, I don't know what to..."
"Stow it, Colonel. It's for Cassandra. She's coming home tonight, right?"
Jack lit up.
"Yes, sir. As far as I know, the party's still at my place. We're having pizza, soft drinks, etc..."
Hammond cocked his head.
"That sounds reasonable. Why are you grinning?"
Glee laced Jack's voice.
"Daniel's paying for everything, sir."
Hammond's eyebrows hit the ceiling.
"Any particular reason?"
Jack scowled, all happiness dimming.
"Corvores, sir. She's decided to blackmail me."
Hammond sat up straight, a broomhandle tense spine.
"I'm assuming this has to do with..."
"Yes, sir. She said she'd get you into trouble if I don't pretend to be
with her for a little while to scare Maybourne off."
Hammond's jaw dropped a bit.
"Jack, I'm not letting you go through that."
Jack rubbed his eyes.
"It's okay, sir. I've got a plan. No property or personnel damage, either."
"Let me know if you need anything."
"Thank you, sir. I will."
"Colonel, I'm going to have an hour with Jacob and then he'll be with Capt. Carter until they leave. As soon as they've left, provided Capt. Carter & Jolinar stay dormant whenever they're in public, I want SG-1 to take the
rest of the day off and I don't want to see you back until Monday morning. Eat, sleep, and I want happy faces smiling at me when you return. Clear?"
"Yes, sir. Everyone'll probably sack out at my place, which means the pizza tonight will be the last bad thing I get to eat until Fraiser leaves."
"Serves you right for getting involved with her in the first place."
Jack's eyes widened.
"Sir, we're not..."
Jack closed his mouth.
Hammond, very pleased with himself, relaxed and then pointedly picked up the phone.
Jack turned and left, his brain full of how unfair it was that he was having a lot more fun with Janet in everyone's
imagination than he was in real life.
* * * * * *
George was still grinning when Jacob entered his office."I know that grin. What'd you do?"
"I surprised my second-in-command and won our bet at the same time."
Jacob raised his eyebrows.
"Just how exactly did you do that?"
"The Colonel actually handed me the means by answering the phone for me while waiting for me to finish a
briefing. The President used the word "tush" to him in a sentence..."
Jacob snorted, making George grin wider.
"I almost cracked, too. I made it an official word for the next month, winning, I believe, $100 from your savings account."
Jacob's jaw worked for a moment.
"You're joking. You would never make it official, even if you did say it to O'Neill. And I can't see soldiers saying that in
the field, even if it is an order."
George pushed the paper he'd just signed forward.
"You can even
file it personally if you want. I forwarded a copy to the President so he'd know. I'm trusting my senior officers to enjoy enforcing the order on the junior officers too much to disobey it themselves."
Jacob gaped at him and then burst out laughing.
"I wish I could have seen his face."
"You can. Push play."
Jacob laughed harder.
George sighed dramatically.
"Quite a bit, actually."
Jacob took a seat and got comfy.
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